Community Channel

I say it my way

I have my own opinions about everything just as everyone else does.  I choose my own battles very carefully and in my own time.  I don't feel the need to engage in every conversation that happens around me; it would be far too exhausting to do so.  I conserve my energy for times when I really need to do battle.  I don't agree with everything I read but I also don't find it necessary to vocalize those concerns all the time.  But know this, just because I have not said anything doesn't mean that I don't have an opinion about it.

Recently, I have had the experience of having my Mohawk heritage called into question just because I didn't say what people wanted me to say.  The remark came from a person of non-Indigenous heritage. I think that it's grossly unfair to do this to me or any other person of colour.  Since when do I speak for Mohawk people? Why does it have to be that a person of colour needs to represent their race, when people from the dominant group are judged as individuals? The disappointing thing about the situation is that the original situation that people expected me to say what they believe has absolutely nothing to do with Indigenous people.  Why should I then comment about Indigenous issues?
 
I only have one thing to say to people who are trying to bully me: I will always be who I am and that doesn't include behaving like you and it doesn't have to be.  I don't answer to you, I will answer to my ancestors and Creator. As for attacking me as an Indigenous woman, shame on you! Walk a mile in my moccasins.

Trekking Poles

This summer seems to have flown by so quickly.  I wish I could extend it a few more weeks but school starts next week.  I've been busy trying to organize my time for school.  It's hard to make some decisions to keep certain things and let go of other activities.  Of course, I'd like to keep all of it going but when my school work needs to come first and foremost.  Tomorrow I'm picking up my books to start reading ahead for next week.  I know, I'm a complete nerd! But I'd rather be a little ahead than way behind in my studies.  The next goal I have for myself is to re-do my Knowledge Test for driving before the first day of class.  Well, at least I have another week to do that.  It won't take much either.  I've taken it before and each time I pass with flying colours.  It's just a matter of reviewing the material.  It seems as though I have a few more people in my life now who are willing to help me out with driving practice.  I'm very grateful for that because I'd like to book the road test within the next year and start driving around on my own to places.

Now, that my busy summer is coming to a close, I'm thinking more about preparing for Bust-A-Move (the Breast Cancer Fundraiser).  For most of the summer, I've had ongoing problems with plantar fasciitis and haven't been as active at the gym as I need to be.  [Enter Trekking Poles], yes, you read that correctly.  One of my close friends has let me borrow their trekking poles.  I tried them for the first time today and went for a 30-minute brisk walk non-stop.  It was so nice to go for a walk and not have constant pain in my foot and lower back.  I will be keeping the walking in my daily schedule.  As well, I plan to return to the gym and my aerobics classes once I feel my strength returning.  For now, I am happy walking and maybe I'll use the stationery bikes at the gym.

The other thing that I need to think about is fundraising for the Breast Cancer event. I suppose that means that my teammates and I will need to discuss how to do this together.  It will be fun.

I'm Missing Out

The August 1st long weekend is Gay Pride here in Vancouver.  This year, I marched in the parade! Yippee!  Even though there was a lot of festivities and activities that I attended on the weekend, I managed to fit in a few very serious conversations with a couple of good friends.  The conversations ended up being very productive too.

One friend of mine was worried about not being part of a small community of people who gather approximately once a month.  They told me that they felt as though they were missing out.  After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that they actually belong to several communities.  Some of the communities they belong are much larger and have a greater selection of people to friend.  The question then becomes, why did they assume they were missing out?  My friend goes to many events, has many friends, and their circle is expanding all the time.  Well, sometimes when we look at our lives all we see are supposed deficits instead of appreciation for what actually is in our lives.

Seeing shortages in our lives is something that we all do because we're anxious about missing out, and not belonging.  It's as though we're afraid of running out of friends.  When we really consider our fear of running of friends, we realize that is an unfounded fear.  Can we really, truly miss what we don't know? 

Alternatively, what do we know?  Or more to the point, who do we know? When we view our lives with appreciation and gratitude for what we do have it changes our perspective.  We start seeing abundance in our lives when we appreciate what we have. 

I realize as I am writing this that some people may think but what if this person needs a change?  I am not advocating for people not to have change in their lives.  I am saying that maybe a change of perspective towards gratitude will help you.  Change based upon fear is a step backwards, not forwards. Definitely, go for change in your life but take appreciation with you on your journey.

Just Snap Your Fingers

It's been a while since I've blogged.  This summer has been great so far.  I've already been camping and I plan to go again.  I'm preparing for Bust-A-Move for Breast Cancer in March 2014! This time there's a small team of my friends who will be raising funds for Breast Cancer.  I will be keeping you posted on my fitness progress.

I have been reading some advice/other blogs lately and there are a few things that bother me about some of them.  The following are some issues that I have with some of the blogs: 

1.  Articles/advice blogs that advocate a quick fix on emotions (ie.  If you're jealous, just stop being jealous). My first thought when I read something that simplistic is (sarcastic), "Oh yeah, just snap your fingers together and all your emotional and mental hang-ups will disappear!"  Then I wonder just how many people who have read that article wonder what is wrong with them because they can't stop a negative emotion such as jealousy. 

I have some good news for you:  You will never rid yourself completely of negative emotions.  You have become aware of your emotions so give yourself a happy sticker because that is the first step to managing your emotions.  Managing your emotions is the key, not getting rid of your emotions.  Many people are labouring under the false assumption that they need to get rid of negative emotions.  Negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, jealousy etc... are part and parcel of our survival mechanisms.  All emotions have a place in our lives because they protect us.  Negative emotions become damaging to our lives when they become out of control (ie. jealousy turns into possessiveness).

Managing emotions is a daily battle and requires us to be patient and kind with ourselves. Whenever you find yourself experiencing an emotion such as jealousy, then Thank yourself for noticing your emotions. Quickly assess what is making you feel that way - perhaps you really do have a reason to feel jealous at that moment.  If so, then talk to a trusted friend about it.  If you're feeling jealous of a partner then talk to your partner about it. Think of it as a process of sharing your thoughts and feelings with them.  When explaining yourself, use "I" statements, such as, "When I heard you say, "I'd rather be with Jane tonight". I felt hurt and jealous.  I need reassurance".

2.  Here's another point about some of the articles I've read.  One article in particular was talking about dating and it said something the effect of, "Perhaps you just want to have sex with somebody but you don't want to spend time with them outside of that sexual relationship".  Having an exclusively sexual relationship with somebody is not a bad thing of and by itself.  It does become a bad thing if you weren't honest about your intentions from the very beginning.  If you haven't been honest with your sexual partner then you run the risk of thoroughly insulting them.  And yes, in this particular case, it would be your fault for not being honest with them from the beginning.

Just remember that using people to boost your ego is never a good idea.  To be blunt: STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSWIPE AND USING PEOPLE!  When you enter a relationship of any kind, whether it be friendship, dating, sexual you are dealing with a person not an object.  If you want use something to get off then buy a dildo.

Turtle Island

I recently came across this image of a turtle with land on its back.  It is a representation of Turtle Island.  Many First Nations cultures have stories of Sky Woman falling from the Sky and landing on Turtle's back.  In the stories, the turtle becomes North America.  Sky Woman is North America's first inhabitant.  The Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) people have this story, and so do the Algonquian Nations. 

When I saw this image, it reminded me about the Turtle Nest Monitoring program that I volunteer for every year.  This year the program will be using biologists to monitor the turtles' nests but I will be volunteering to help in other ways.  In particular, the biologists need people to search out other places around the park where turtles are laying their nests.  The biologists need this information so that they can create more nesting beaches, if necessary.  I certainly hope that we do find more potential nesting sites.

The above image also reminded me about how wonderful it is to work with turtles.  Helping the endangered turtle population gives me great satisfaction.  I adore working with these animals.  I tell my friends all the time that it is difficult to hold a turtle and still be in a grumpy.  There's something about handling turtles that makes one smile.  Perhaps it's the fact that they initially hide in their shell when you pick them up, or perhaps it is the way that they look you right in the eye or crane their necks.  Turtles always put a smile on my face.  The same is true whenever I pet my cat and he purrs.  I can't help but smile at the sound of a purring cat.  So, today I leave you with the thought of how animals can lighten our moods.  Think about moments in your life when an animal put a smile on your face, and how lucky we are to have animals as part of our lives.

The Punching Bag

Sometimes we back ourselves into a corner emotionally, mentally, physically and may be even spiritually.  When that happens we tend to lash out at other people, especially those who are closest to us.  After all, it's easier to blame other people in our lives than to take a long, careful and introspective look at ourselves.  To use a simile, we become like verbal and emotional boxers when we lash out at others.

Our own fears and anxieties are feeding our thoughts during times of stress.  We anxiously look around ourselves to figure out why we're feeling stressed.  During times of stress we tend to see people and circumstances in black and white terms as though all things said and done have been carved into stone. We need to remember that nothing is carved in stone. If we're not self-aware, we could start using people who are closest to us as our own personal punching bags.

There is a way to help slow down, if not stop, our inner boxers from lashing out at those we love:

1.  Ask yourself this question: Is it true?  Then consider what evidence you have of this thought or circumstance being true.  Let's take an example such as the thought, "This person doesn't care about me!" Ask yourself: What's my evidence that the person doesn't care about me?  
2. Examine the evidence.  Then ask yourself, "Does this evidence actually support my thought that the person doesn't care?" Perhaps the evidence is flimsy and one-sided once you begin to really consider it.  Perhaps it's not flimsy and one-sided, perhaps you really do have a valid concern.  
3. If it turns out that you have a valid concern then you need to discuss those concerns with the other person.  Perhaps you've realized that there was something that was said or a circumstance that arose that really bothered you.  One way to start such a conversation would be to use the W.I.N. Formula :  When I see/hear you do/say ___________.  I feel (or think) __________. I need ______.  By the way, the more specific you are with how you feel, and what you need, the more effective your communication becomes.

For example, When I hear the words, "I talk to you all the time", I feel taken foregranted and dismissed.  I need reassurance that I am important to you.

Hopefully, this strategy will open up conversation between you and the other person and will lead to a deeper connection. If you still feel as though you and the other person are not understanding each other you may wish to consider having somebody facilitate the conversation.  Facilitation allows for an objective person to re-word what each of you is saying.  The other route you may wish to consider is professional counselling together.