I was back in interval body-sculpt class with the Drill Sergeant today. He's getting married on Saturday so tonight is his Bachelor Party. He announced to everyone before class that before he wrecks his body at his party that he would be working the class extra hard today. Once I heard these words my eyes grew as large as saucers. Then I heard the woman behind me smilingly say,"Oh no! We're all gonna die!" That was the tension breaker everybody around her needed as we all cracked up laughing.
In speaking with my wonderful husband and a friend of mine today, they helped me to realize that I have a tendency to put myself down. Putting myself down has become such a habit over the years that it almost feels comforting. It's the old friend that never lets you down especially when something goes wrong. Now, I've been trying in the last 6 months to change this pattern of thinking as part of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for my Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I believe that this is particular pattern of thinking is stubborn, and change-resistant because it's an actual core belief of mine. This is not an excuse not to change it, it's just that I realize that I have a battle with my mind coming, but there is no loser in this battle as long as I keep trying. That is, I am worth the change. I am worth fighting for even if it is a fight within myself to re-frame negative thoughts. If people don't like me that is their loss, not mine. If I don't like myself, that is a serious loss to myself. But you know, I do like myself, I just need to break an old habit and say Good Bye to my negative thoughts.
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