Don't let expectation lower your self-esteem

I'm finally getting my energy back after being ill.  I'm back into my exercise routine again, and it feels so good. I expect that I will only feel better with time and persistence.  That's right, I said the dirty word "expect".  I've noticed a few people saying that they don't have expectations.  Perhaps they're right, maybe they don't have expectations at all.  However, in my mind I believe that there's a balance to be struck between expectation and pinning your absolute hopes on one thing.

The balance I believe is that you need to keep your self-esteem in check.  For instance, if you're going on a first date with somebody it would be absurd not to have some hope of how you want that date to go.  Everybody wants that first date to go well.  Even if you both decide that you're not right for each other, the hope would be that you can part amicably.  However, it would not be good for your self-esteem to go on that first date and use that date as a measurement of your success as a person.  Yet, I believe that this is exactly what we do to ourselves when it comes to expectations.

Returning to that first date scenario (I believe it's a good one because people tend to put themselves under a lot pressure in this situation), how can we find balance with our expectations and our self-esteem?  Well, we can begin by paying attention to what we say to ourselves.  Are we saying things like, "What if they don't like me?" That question is ruining your date already and you're not even on the date yet. A date is a two-way street.  It gives you the chance to get to know one another a little better to see if there is a chance of friendship or maybe a romantic relationship. Reverse that question every time you think of it, "What if I don't like them?" or better yet, "Maybe we'll be each other's type, maybe we won't be".

Breathe deeply a few times and say this to yourself, "Maybe we'll be each other's type, maybe we won't be". I'm sure that feels differently than scaring yourself by saying, "What if they don't like me?" The question, "what if they don't like me?" assumes that you're not measuring up whereas "maybe we'll be each other's type, maybe we won't be" is balanced.  There is expectation or hope there but it is tempered with the reality that you may not be compatible.  My point is that you don't need to hang your hopes on that one date.  You are more than that one date.  A date is not a measure of you as either a success or a failure as a person. If it turns out that you're not compatible with the other person it's not a judgment on you.  It just means that you're not compatible.  Plenty of people are not compatible with us, and it is what it is.  There's nothing wrong with either of you as people. Be grateful that you had the experience, and know that you are a beautiful person.

You can balance your hopes/expectations and self-esteem in every area of your life. I just used dating as an example.  

Keep Smiling.