Live Passionately, Love Passionately

With a look of smug satisfaction, I leaned back into my chair just far enough to fall off it.  I laid upon the floor and went into gales of laughter because nothing was going to spoil this moment.  This moment I realized that I was completely organized for school next week.  This is no small feat because you see, I have little more organization and planning to do due to my Learning Disability.  Additionally, this year I have a new Accessibility Advisor.  I met him a few weeks back, and he seems nice but I'm going to drive him a little crazy.  

My new advisor likes to put organization and planning off as long as he can.  I'm the complete opposite to that - I plan and organize things well ahead of time.  Procrastination has never been my friend.  Whenever I procrastinate I inevitably overlook important details.  I've learned that true organization begins with details. Plan the picky details first and it all comes together smoothly. So, when this advisor was telling me to wait until after the first week of school to put in my requests for a notetaker and a tutor, I already knew that wasn't going to happen.  His thought was wait and see if you need these services.  I already know that I need these services.  This morning I submitted my requests for these services.  Besides, if you're too late with your requests then they're not granted by the university.  My thought is, why wait to speak up if you can do it now?

 The previous question provides a nice leeway into my next topic which is about speaking up.  Many people feel inhibited about speaking up about things.  I'm not just talking about voicing an opinion, or speaking in opposition to something.  I'm talking about sharing feelings, giving compliments, and opening up too.  Instead, what most of us do is miss the opportunity to say what we want.  Then we regret not saying it and beat ourselves up over it, which to me, is an exercise in futility. Chances are that if you're moved to give somebody a compliment, or tell them that they mean a lot to you, the chances are that it's just what they needed to hear.  Don't be afraid to say it - you will gain from the experience.  I'll leave you with a quote, "Those who live passionately teach us how to love.  Those who love passionately teach us how to live" -Yogananda


 

Camping at Millersylvania State Park

Our camping trip to Washington State was awesome. Seattle is a beautiful city.  Our trip down there got stretched to 7-hours from 5-hours because we got caught in Seattle's rush-hour traffic.  That gave us more time together to talk, listen to music, and wonder how the weekend will unfold for us.  The weekend unfolded beautifully.

First, I want to talk a little bit about our cabin bunk-mates. They were the absolute best bunkies we could ask for.   They were friendly, outgoing, and fun.  I felt a particular closeness with one of them.  She was absolutely inspirational to me, and I enjoyed our discussions.  One night there was a couple, from another cabin, who were having sex very loudly.  There was discussion among the five of us to sit in front of the cabin, and hold up cards with our rating of their love-making written on them ~giggle~.  The rapport among us was very good.

The variety show and karaoke night was great too!  There is so much talent among my friends. Ohhhh, I can't forget that I had a wonderful massage on Saturday too! Oh, baby, how could I forget that? The people that I met there have truly made a difference in my life.  

Are your Goals SMART?

www.workoutsforyou.com/article_smart.asp

The above link is an article about setting S.M.A.R.T. fitness goals for yourself.

http://www.hr.virginia.edu/uploads/documents/media/Writing_SMART_Goals.pdf

The above link is about setting work-related goals.  Something I will need to do soon because I'll be going back to school, and doing research for a professor.  Busy girls need SMART Goals.

Setting fitness goals can be problematic for most people.  That's because most of us set goals that are too vague and we lose the motivation to focus on those goals.  Never fear though; psychology research to the rescue. Yes, psychologists and other researchers study what motivates us.  Some philosophers, such as John Locke, had already laid the ground work for research on motivation centuries ago. Basically, psychologists researched motivation, did experiments, then took Locke's principles and put a modern-day spin on them.  The reason being that after all the scientific experimentation was done, it turns out that Locke's observations were correct all along.  Now, some of you might say, well that seems pretty obvious to me so why would researchers waste their time, effort and money on something so obvious (?).  The point of doing rigorous scientific experimentation is to test thoughts that we take foregranted as true.  In other words, by testing things through experimentation, we can remove the wheat from the chaff (what is actually true and what is not true).

Goal setting can help motivate us especially if those goals are S.M.A.R.T. Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant (has meaning to you), and Time-bound).  I have a fitness goal of getting in shape for the Breast Cancer Fundraiser in April 2013.  That's still a little way off but it's more than realistic especially since I'm training at least 4 days/week right now.  This last Tuesday, I set yet another goal for myself and that is to be down 1 dress size before Christmas. This is how my goal fits into the SMART format:
Specific - down 1 dress size 
Measurable - it's about 20 lbs loss in 17 weeks or if I'm measuring inches lost then it's about 1 & 1/2 inches
Attainable - yes, it's still realistic.  It's about a pound & 1/2 - 2 lbs per week but it's still attainable.
Relevant - getting in shape and losing weight has meaning for me.
Time-bound - my time is up on Christmas Day for this goal :)  What a nice holiday present that will be.  Boxing Day sales here I come LOL!!! CHA-CHING! :D
SMART Goals can be used for anything in your life, i.e. emotional and personal development, work goals, school-study goals, fitness, anything you can possibly think of can fit into this model.  Hint: Write your goal down and remind yourself of it often.  This will help you to focus.
 

Weathering Life's Storms

A rose that has weathered a snow storm

Roses are my favourite flower especially pink coloured ones.  I've always been a romantic at heart.  I love these flowers because they symbolize romance and love, and pink is such a warm and soft colour that it truly complements the symbol.  What I think is striking about this photograph is that this rose has survived a snow storm.  As you can see in the photo, the sun is shining on the rose and soon the snow will melt from it.  There is a parallel between this rose and the way we weather the cold storms in our own lives. 

When we experience hurt in our lives we can either take on all the hurt ourselves or we can realize that shit happens sometimes. When we take all the hurt onto ourselves we set ourselves up for more hurt because we start building walls and obstacles that make it nearly impossible for anybody to get close to us.  We're forever vigilant that we not let anybody in who will hurt us. As they say, once bitten, twice shy. In actual fact, this type of reasoning is faulty because even those people who are closest to us do hurt us sometimes.  The difference is that we forgive them because we understand them and there's mutual respect (hopefully there's mutual respect). Additionally, if the walls we build around ourselves become too high, those walls can topple and fall on us. Whereas, if we realize that shit sometimes happens we don't take all the baggage onto ourselves. Instead of retreating and building walls when we're hurt, we reach out to others, we communicate with them and most of all we learn to love ourselves. The walls come down little by little. In other words, don't let the bad experiences overshadow your life and harden your heart. Trust people until they give you a reason not to trust them (as the First Nations saying goes). Where would the settlers be if it weren't for First Nations people trusting them? There would be no Canada or USA - but I digress. :)

As mentioned previously, the rose in the photo has weathered a snow storm. The sun is shining on that rose and soon the snow will melt from it. That rose is similar to us when we don't let our hearts harden. The storm comes in, things get cold and stormy, but only temporarily (storms don't last forever). When the storm is over, yes, we are covered with snow but we're no worse for the wear and soon the sun melts the snow and we continue on living.  Whereas when we harden our hearts, and build barriers we're not giving ourselves a chance to weather life's storms because we're weakening ourselves.We're in fact telling ourselves that it's all of our fault instead of realizing that shit happens. The storm moves in and we die from the cold we've created for ourselves.

It all comes down to loving ourselves and trusting ourselves. I struggle so much with loving myself but I am getting better at it. I would never tell my best friend that he/she was stupid and yet I tell myself that all the time. I am learning that when I have these negative thoughts about myself that I apologize to myself.  I don't deserve to be called stupid even if it is me telling that to myself. Once we become aware of our negative self talk then we can become active in stopping it. Until we realize it, we will continue to harden our hearts because we are being hard on ourselves.  Nobody else is doing this to us, we are doing it to ourselves.  So, give yourself a break and lighten up on yourself.  You'll be glad you did.

Yom Kippur

"Get that bottle opener ready to crack that beer!  It's almost sundown" such was the conversation amongst my friends at the end of Yom Kippur.  Yes, believe it or not, I used to celebrate Yom Kippur. For those of you who are not familiar with Yom Kippur, it is a Jewish High Holy Day (meaning it is very sacred).  It is a day of fasting and atoning for your sins. By fasting, I mean absolutely no water and no food at all for a 24-hour period. For people from a Roman Catholic background, it's what Catholics would call a 'Black Fast' .  It was a day of prayer and worship to God.

When I was young and single my roommate and I both belonged to the same religion, and we observed all of the Jewish Holy Days.  We did not celebrate Easter or Christmas or any of the mainstream Christian days.  I had an enjoyable life as a young, single woman. At the end of Yom Kippur, we would have our friends over, who were also fasting.  We would have beer and pizza parties to break the fast.  Being young we could get away with that.  My body would not be so forgiving of me now if I were to fast for 24-hours and then eat pizza and drink beer.  I would literally feel dead for 3 days after nowadays (I would feel as though I've just resurrected from the dead).  I know, it's sound sacrilegious for me to refer to myself as resurrecting, but that's just me.  I suppose I am sacrilegious these days to a certain extent. I respect other people's belief systems but I don't get involved in religious practices that much any more.  Occasionally, I will enjoy a First Nations Sweatlodge, and smudging but that's the extent of it.  I still consider myself a spiritual person, just not any one particular kind of spirituality.

So, what has this got to do with my physical training for the Breast Cancer Fundraiser? Not a damn thing! I just felt like reminiscing.  

End-Of-Season Squeals

My clothes are getting too big for me now so it was time to hit the End-of-Season Sales (or as I call them, End-of-Season squeals because the prices are so good LOL). I did quite well too in terms of savings.  I picked up 3 pairs of pants for $40. Considering that the pants were originally above $40 each, I think I did well.  This is not the best part though.  The best part is that I'm down 3 sizes!! I did a double-take when I fit into the pants. My hard work and determination is finally paying off.

The fact that I fit into a size that I haven't worn for years has encouraged me to keep going on fitness goals and weight loss goals. So tonight's class is Cardio Sculpt.  Bring it on!!!

Thank You

Today I go to my TOPS meeting after a 2-week hiatus. I know I'm up a few pounds because I haven't really been tracking what I've been eating. That's OK though, I'll just need to get back up and start again (tomorrow) LOL - no, today! It's tempting to procrastinate especially since it's the last few weeks of summer. I can't believe that in a few short weeks I'll be sitting in a lecture hall again.  It's been a wonderful summer filled with activities and awesome people. I absolutely adore my friends & family, and cherish the rapport I have with them.

There's hardly a day that goes by where one of my friends (I'm including family here) doesn't offer me an encouraging word, a sympathetic ear, or a boot in the bum (whichever is needed).  I certainly hope that I return the loving kindness to them that they give to me. David in particular, is a really big blessing for me.  David helps me to maintain a balance in my life.  He says that I do the same for him, which I am happy about. I'm all too happy to fill that need for him as well.

So, it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off, get back up on that road-to-fitness horse and keep moving toward my goal.  

The Fear of Disconnection

"Shame: the fear of disconnection. It’s universal; we all have it. ‘I’m not “blank” enough.’" -quote from Brene Brown

Straight up - I'm feeling very vulnerable these days. I have recently realized that certain situations with some people scare me.  It's not that I feel that the person is better than me in any way.  It's not that I feel better than them in any way.  What I'm afraid of is investing too much emotionally.  Emotional investments for anybody are expensive.  And like all investments, we like to see and get a return on said investment. 

Friendship is all about emotional investment.  Romantic endeavours require even more emotional investment. At the end of the day what we all want and need is for people to love us for exactly who we are - our strengths and our weaknesses.  And we have a need to love other people for who they are - their strengths and weaknesses. That's because we all have a need to feel connected to each other. To feel deeply, to express our insecurities as well as cherish the joyful moments.

Once I've started making an emotional investment in someone (i.e. friends), it's really nice when they return the investment through spending time together, sharing feelings and thoughts, and spending quiet time together is important too.  I worry about my investment when there is no return, or very little return. It's at this point that I feel my most vulnerable. At this point I will either choose to speak with the person one-on-one about the matter or give them a lot of space.  It all depends upon how the other person has been relating to me.  If the other person, for whatever reason, has turned into a snarling wolf then you can forget it.  I've flushed that friendship and there's no hope in hell you're gonna get it back. If however, they have been fairly open to me as a person then I will attempt to clear the air.  Emotions are better when they're expressed and not held in.

Love's Language

Love's Language by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Famous Love Poems

I do enjoy reading.  It never used to be that way at all.  When I was a child my Mom would try to encourage me to read more. I couldn't be bothered because I was too busy having fun with my friends.  Now I enjoy the silence of sitting still and reading. In the past few years I've been reading more poetry.  I love the deep tenderness and warmth expressed by this poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.  Enjoy!

Genuine Friendship

"I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn 

something from him."

-Galileo

Sometimes I feel that being my genuine self isn't good enough for some people. That's just too bad for them because I'm going to tell you exactly what I think about people who think they're too good for other people.  I find it revolting when people imply that other people are not smart enough to be their friends. Perhaps it's not the other people who have the learning deficit.  The real problem is the fact that you're only viewing the other person as an object to fill your every whim and fantasy instead of seeing them as a person with feelings, and thoughts. 

Working with homeless people was a real eye-opener for me.  I learned from my clients every single day. Most homeless people are down-to-earth, and they will call you on a bullshit answer that you give to them. One of the most important things that I learned about being a support worker is how to be genuine. The being "genuine" principle was repeatedly taught through my counselling classes but it really didn't get absorbed until I started working in social services. Then it all hit home because I could not use formulaic answers with the clients without them tilting their heads at me and saying, "Now I want a real answer". Thankfully, I was able to give them the real answer they were looking for from me.  The real answer was always based in honesty and genuineness.

So the next time that somebody says to you that "I only friend people who are smart" or "I only friend people who are confident" or whatever they think that you are lacking as a person.  Just remember that you are good enough.  It's the other person's lack of self-esteem that is narrowing their choices. It has nothing to do with you.

To Beach or Not To Beach

"To beach or not to beach, that is the question" :). David and I had a lovely day together at the beach. When I woke up this morning I decided that I was going to forego my kickboxing class in lieu of taking a long hike.  We went out for brunch together then we got on the road to Centennial Beach.  There are hiking trails around that beach so we went on a 7 km. hike together.  When we hike together we keep our eyes peeled for wildlife. Today we saw a bald eagle and a red-tailed hawk among other birds.  We couldn't help but notice some of the beautiful wild flowers too. I love how nature gifts us with quiet beauty, & tranquil spaces. Of course, the flip side to that serenity are the noisy crows and seagulls.  There's always that balance in nature. I like to think of that balance as validation of my boisterous laugh because if nature made room for noisy birds, then there is room to be noisy me. Tomorrow it's back to boot camp class but today was a beautiful break from the ordinary.

Thursday, August 9 marked my 2-month quit day from smoking.  I still get cravings but mostly when they only come when I see another person smoking.  Other then that I hardly think about it anymore. Some days are harder than others though.  Some days it seems that I see more people smoking then on other days or maybe it's because I'm craving it so it only seems as though there's more people smoking. It is so much easier to relax more deeply when you're a non-smoker.  Relaxation is a great reward for not smoking.

The Meteor Showers start tonight! I can't wait! I haven't seen a meteor shower for a long time.

 

School Prep

Today I had an appointment with my new advisor from Access and Diversity at UBC.  I have a learning disability so I am registered there to get exam accommodations, a notetaker, and have my textbooks put into an alternate format.  As a special needs student, (that still feels odd for me to say because I've never considered myself a special needs student before I started university), I need to start planning and organizing well before the semester begins.

To give you an idea of what I'm talking about in terms of being organized I will outline for you what it's like to have to think well ahead before the school year starts. I registered for my Fall and Winter courses in early July as everybody else does.  1) I need to find out who is teaching the section of the course that I registered in. 2) I need to contact the instructor for each course immediately to request a course syllabus and a list of all the textbooks for their class.  Hopefully, with any luck at all I will get a timely response from the instructor (it doesn't always happen).  3) I then need to contact the library and ask them if they have that text available in the alternate format I need. 4) If the library does have the text than I need to arrange to come in and do the necessary paper work in order to receive the text in the format needed.  5) If the library doesn't have the text then I need to go to the bookstore, buy the text (if they have it available, and it's frustrating when they don't have the text available), take it to the library, and fill out the paper work so that the staff can begin putting it into the format I need. The library needs at least 1 month to complete this process so the sooner you can get the textbook to them the sooner it will be done.  It can be a lot of work depending upon how much cooperation you're receiving at every stage. This is all in addition to the regular back-to-school organization that every student does.

It's worth it to have everything organized when I attend class on that first day. That way I don't have to worry about anything else but studying for my courses. 


 

Now, where did I put my motivation?

It's been busy this past weekend.  Saturday I went to the Dyke March after I had my morning workout.  Sunday night I went dancing with some friends of mine. Yesterday, I was visiting with friends.  Today was the first day I could get back into my physical training routine.

I broke away from my normal routine a little and went to a morning class.  The Boot Camp Queen is away this week and nobody's substituting for her classes. It was enjoyable (inasmuch as exercise is enjoyable).  I've heard that it's actually good to change your exercise routine occasionally especially when you're losing weight because you won't plateau for as long.  My schedule and fitness routine will change in September.  

It's hard to believe how much my body has changed in such a small amount of time.  I started my fitness training in the first week of July (this year) to get ready for a Breast Cancer Fundraiser in April 2013.  It's only been a little over a month.  It's also been one of the sweatiest months of my life.  

I've noticed that many of the fitness instructors/trainers get involved in training for marathons, or fundraisers such as the one I'm doing for Breast Cancer.  It seems as though it helps them keep that goal in mind when they're training.  Perhaps having a goal is the secret to keeping yourself motivated to exercise. 

Trust

"Trust needs to be earned" is a popular saying in our society.  A few years ago I had the privilege of learning a First Nations version of this notion, "Trust somebody until they give you a reason not to". That doesn't mean that we divulge our deepest, darkest secrets to anybody who will listen. It means that you can gradually build a trusting relationship with someone unless or until they show themselves to be untrustworthy. "Trust somebody until they give you a reason not to" gives the other person the benefit of a doubt, and gives people room to be themselves without judgment.

I was recently reminded of how trust plays a role in my own life.  It's very difficult to see eye-to-eye with somebody who looks down at you, spits in your face, insults you, and belittles you. Needless to say people who treat me in such a fashion lose their trustworthy status with me, and I don't keep them in my life.  It doesn't matter to me if you're family or not, if you treat me as though I'm dog shit that you scrape off of your shoe then you will never darken my doorstep again.

In spite of what some people believe I do have the right to exist, to love and be loved.  I also have the right not to be subjected to any bullshit by anybody, and that includes family.  Anybody who believes that they can treat me with disdain without suffering the consequences of their actions is delusional.  When you treat me with hostility you lose my trust.

Lessons from Yoga

When I was a teenager I walked 2 miles/day for 5 days/week, and I did yoga.  My Mom taught me the finer details of yoga.  One of the things that she taught me was that even if I couldn't do a pose, the act of trying to do the pose will build muscle, and eventually I would be able do the full pose.


I keep that exercise principle in mind whenever I am in aerobics classes.  If there is an exercise that my body finds difficult to do, I just keep trying to do that exercise until I can do it.  Eventually, my body does adjust to the exercise. I was so surprised when I was doing yoga yesterday and I could go from the Plank pose into Downward Dog pose several times in a row.  When I first began exercising I could not do the Plank pose, now I'm doing that and more.


I can't believe that it's been just a little over a month since I began training for the Breast Cancer Fundraiser.  My body has made some amazing changes within that short period of time.  


Keep Smiling

Here's Pie in Your Eye

I spent some time visiting our friend Ken today.  Ken is hilarious! He always makes me laugh. Today he was regaling me with some stories from his childhood. Ken comes from a very large family, and he is the second youngest. One of his older brothers worked at a bakery, and brought home some pies that were near the expiration date.   


Well, as the story goes, one of his brothers had upset their Mother.  Ken was in another room at the time, and all he heard his brother say was, "You wouldn't dare!" to which his Mother said,"Like hell I won't!" followed by (the sound) SPLAT! and that set off a pie fight among the Mom and siblings.  During this commotion his Dad came home from work, looked around the kitchen and said,"I'm going to the pub" and left.


Ken is so animated when he tells this story it's almost like being there and witnessing the whole thing. I was almost in tears from laughing so hard.  I told him that it reminded me of a 3 Stooges Pie Fight (video clip at the beginning of blog). We both cracked up laughing.  


I like hanging out with people that I feel comfortable with and make me laugh.


Cheers, Ken!