"Shame: the fear of disconnection. It’s universal; we all have it. ‘I’m not “blank” enough.’" -quote from Brene Brown
Straight up - I'm feeling very vulnerable these days. I have recently realized that certain situations with some people scare me. It's not that I feel that the person is better than me in any way. It's not that I feel better than them in any way. What I'm afraid of is investing too much emotionally. Emotional investments for anybody are expensive. And like all investments, we like to see and get a return on said investment.
Friendship is all about emotional investment. Romantic endeavours require even more emotional investment. At the end of the day what we all want and need is for people to love us for exactly who we are - our strengths and our weaknesses. And we have a need to love other people for who they are - their strengths and weaknesses. That's because we all have a need to feel connected to each other. To feel deeply, to express our insecurities as well as cherish the joyful moments.
Once I've started making an emotional investment in someone (i.e. friends), it's really nice when they return the investment through spending time together, sharing feelings and thoughts, and spending quiet time together is important too. I worry about my investment when there is no return, or very little return. It's at this point that I feel my most vulnerable. At this point I will either choose to speak with the person one-on-one about the matter or give them a lot of space. It all depends upon how the other person has been relating to me. If the other person, for whatever reason, has turned into a snarling wolf then you can forget it. I've flushed that friendship and there's no hope in hell you're gonna get it back. If however, they have been fairly open to me as a person then I will attempt to clear the air. Emotions are better when they're expressed and not held in.
Hmm...I have never actually thought of relationships being emotional investments, but you're so right. There are definitely some relationships that I feel I am not getting anything back from...Food for thought!
ReplyDeleteYes I agree with you all relationships are an investment. I admit there are many times I'm not as vocal or present online as I would like to be,that doesn't mean that I've stopped being interested or caring about my friends,life just has a way of getting very busy at times and can cause a temporary disconnection. One does have to be conscious of it though regardless of how busy they may get and send just a quick note, even a one liner will suffice, just not total disconnection. In my experiences, once too much time has passed, it's very difficult to have the other person understand you meant no harm. Anyway, just my two cents, but I do agree whole heartedly, every relationship is an emotional investment and it's up to us as to how much we want to invest or pull out before we lose our shirt. As the old saying goes, you have to sort the hay from the shaft :). Love you Jessie!
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